The End of Now

Stefanie, my old boss and close friend, left me long ago. I remember being distraught, but more because she left before I did, and well, it would mean that I had more time to serve. We rarely worked in the same office together, and our internet communication would continue. I moved back to NY with every intention to figure out my life and do "big" things. It's April 2008 and I'm still working in Long Island, NY.

"And so it goes."

As of today, my boss, co-worker, and close friend, Sc0tt M@+z@, is no longer employed with The Z3llm@n Group. This day has been 30 days in the making, but it's here and it's bleak as hell. The "higher up" side of the office is dark; Stuart is not here today and Scott's office is not yet occupied. As day one it should only feel like Scott's on vacation, but over the year that I have been back in NY, I've tried my hardest to schedule trips, days off, etc during his vacation time. I suppose that I never realized how intentional it must have been until now.

"And so it goes."

I suddenly find myself in a corner. I sit here terrified; there is a big, incredible, hard world out there, and I should be in it. I've had all of these incredible dreams for myself over the years and never once did I consider this reality: there is not a single obstacle in my way. To be perfectly honest, I have no clue what that means for myself. I can list these goals I made for myself, and I can certainly attempt to live up to each of them, but in reality my only desire is to do something that I love and never look back.

Interestingly enough, this month has taught me that what I love the most is to be near and close to people who make me smile, laugh, think, create, work, learn, and love. From there I can find a way to challenge myself, challenge the world (if need be). The only true requirement in all of it is to have people that I'd chose to be near if the choice was given.

"And so it goes."

I was given a promotion recently to "Director of Retail Operations". It sounds fancy and cool, much more so than I know it to be just yet. I have all of these ideas of things to do, things to create, people to do it with...
perhaps that will come to fruition soon enough. What else am I going to do 8:30 - 5:30 <--- that's a joke!